We're stuck here doing nothing

fear to falcity.

2006-02-20T00:15:48Z

see a person can wake up every morning play the same song and put on the clothes he feels comfortable with.

that person can slide the keys off his table and into his palm.
that kid can take his car and drive right off a fucking cliff.

but between how many things has that person done,
laughed at a funny moment
smiled at a cute girl
slight a meaningful cause

but to say an end is the end of all that would be a fact.

there wouldnt be anymore glaring or laughing or smiling
thered be nothing no one to hurt no one to make happy

a feeling can go too far to the point were your lose your mind, where you have no place to go besides down, where to catch yourself and rise to the place you were before you decided to drive to your death, its hard.

so that person can do alot of things between then and now

he can pray his mind starts working. he can pray he decides to put his foot on the break, and he can swear that it will never happen again.

this entry isnt about suicide. its about someone who hasnt been to that point yet, its about someone who wants a rope to be thrown to him, its about having a horse to land on and ride away when he jumps from the balcony.

everyone needs someone to go to after its over. and after youve done the deed its hard for someone to be okay .

life

2006-02-12T01:47:33Z

well my life has changed soo much i cant keep up with it i feel like i dont do anything my life is just a big circle.

915post @ 2006-01-04T22:58:00

2006-01-05T03:57:55Z

its all about patterns, theres a MILLION DIFFERENT ONES.

915post @ 2005-12-05T00:23:00

2005-12-05T05:26:00Z

we'll fight a good fight.

you know those wars without ammunition.
the ones where your set up to lose

so shane look at the plans. and see if your commiting suicide or becoming a martyr.

so is it giving up or giving in. because the only person who should know that is yourself. but if you dont no who's supposed to, a god, a friend, someone you love.but this is where it gets tricky. what if you found yourself in that situation. and nothing was there to give you an answer.

so next time you look into a problem dont just read the fucking words. learn what they mean.

915post @ 2005-11-23T05:19:00

2005-11-23T10:21:04Z

RELIVE REPLAY REJOYCE . WE KILL AT THE HANDS OF OTHERS TO PUT OUR MELTING BRAINS BACK INTO OUR HEADS.

HEY have you ever felt like nothing was fucking real. i can tell you i have no clue what has been going on in my life for the past 6 months. god bless and good luck.

915post @ 2005-07-28T02:18:00

2005-07-27T06:16:15Z

shit falls alot faster than you can throw it.

that simple assholes.

915post @ 2005-06-18T19:04:00

2005-06-17T23:05:43Z

i raise my glass to symetry,to the second hand and its accuracy to the actual size of everything, the desert is the sand, you cant hold it in your hands, it wont bow to your demands, theres no difference you can make and if it seems like an accident a collage of senselessness, you werent looking hard enough, i wasnt looking hard enough

i want to learn such simple things
but ive just got myself to blame
i leave it up to fate
with those choices i could make
when those choices i could make

one day ill find my own damn words.

915post @ 2005-05-26T21:12:00

2005-05-26T01:12:30Z

sometimes you cant feel anyworse or any better.

you can admit admire and accept and things might only get worse

but atleast they can change.

915post @ 2005-05-23T21:54:00

2005-05-23T01:53:37Z

its so hard to dance when you dont have your dancing shoes

915post @ 2005-05-17T20:55:00

2005-05-17T00:56:25Z

superglue. those damn pieces back in order. we dont want an ugly personality.

915post @ 2005-05-12T00:18:00

2005-05-11T04:22:18Z

people can really bring you down. but for some reason im always around.

You know im not such a great guy
sometimes all i try to do is get by

but really what im doing is just acting, pretending
pretending everything works out
pretending im alright

i mean i am alright
i mean i really want to be honest

ive been doing alright with that lately

friends are really great.
especialy when there great friends

heartbreak and late nights
cigarettes and dumb fights

sad songs
its been rather too long

sometimes i think i do something that is good for everyone else
but it really hurts me.
i dont no why i do it. but it just seems to me the only person that can hurt me is myself

it scares me. im afriad what ill do next
i only hurt the people i love only the people i love

but im getting by. acting a giant monlogue that i just make up as i go.

living like this is slowly tearing me apart
but until im in two.

this is the only way to live...

915post @ 2005-05-10T23:20:00

2005-05-10T03:19:37Z

I don't matter and sometimes i dont care.

915post @ 2005-04-13T20:19:00

2005-04-13T00:19:22Z

In a story told she was a little girl in a red-rouge, sun-bruised field and there were rows of ripe tomatoes where a secret was concealed.
And it rose like thunder, clapped under our hands.
And it stretched for centuries to a diary entry’s end where I wrote,
You make me happy
When the skies are gray.
You make me happy
Oh the skies are gray and gray and gray.
Well the clock’s heart it hangs inside its open chest with its hands stretched towards the calendar hanging itself.
But I will not weep for those dying days.

long life.

2005-04-04T01:57:06Z

i need to unwind. some many things have been coming at me at once. and then one day it all just stopped.

now i feel well. pretty damned.

but its alright.

my stomach is kind of upset. but whatever, its justa stomach,
i dont like me very much i really dont. and from now on im goingt o actualy use this journal as a journal instead of a daily updater which is what most people use it for.
so thats why ill bitch and complain and sound negative. because you use a journal to get stuff out.

some people i know do alot of stuff they love to do. there good at it too. i dont like to do much anymore. but i do it anyways.

im glad not alot of people read this anymore.
i think im going to make a new one and not let anyone know about it lie about my name where i live. who i am. just so i can typetypetype without worrying about what people will think of my fucking insane thoughts.
that would be nice. it would be nicer if complete strangers learned to love me because of my journal too. i always wanted to fall in love with a complete stranger. i believe thats true love.
if you love someone you dont no anything about.

but why should i expect that. i mean until i get away and move away. i mean ill never meet anyone new. no ones new. everyone knows everyone.
when you first meet a person its never that they are a phony. its when you get to know them and get to over analyze them, thats when you realize how they're a phony. i got that word form the catcher in the rye. i like that word

915post @ 2005-03-31T07:31:00

2005-03-31T00:30:33Z

i sat down and dug my feet into the sand
hopefully the damn tide wont come and wash the sand away

if you ever were selfish,

915post @ 2005-03-31T04:27:00

2005-03-30T21:33:18Z

im sick and stupid.
sick sick and stupid.
i really hold back in this thing alot

i could be saying everything thats on my mind
but then i would feel more stupid so i wont}

i dont like feeeling stupid. esp when i feel this damn stupid

daves birthday party was alright. bayside was amazing.
normaly im not even a big fan. but they played an acoustic set and they were id have to say better

cant go to the show tonight on the account i can barely move. because im sick
i have a project that was due today. so i guess im doing the whole damn thing tonight

i realy havent been liking myself too much lately.
i need a confidence booster

but where the hell am i going to find one they just dont fucking sell those things
you have to have people that care . and care to give you a good boost. but the thing is it cant just be anyone who cares about you. it has to be someone impeticular

and once again where the hell am i suppose to find one of those
all i do is bitch lately. where the hell did 7th grade shane go.

i have a habit of updating really long entries that mean practicly nothing.
its because i cant say what i want to so why not say everything that i dont.

alright well im sick and stupid
i want to here the right things from the right people.
and i complain to damn much

915post @ 2005-03-29T02:04:00

2005-03-28T19:09:50Z

i finished readin the catcher in the rye. it really was a great book

most books i read are great probly because i refuse to read anythng that doesnt interest me.

i related to alot how he felt. except i dont think everyone is a phony just most of the damn people out there.

if i had grey hairs and was over six foot tall id buy alcohol and talk to older women.

my lip is still busted open from some kid who dropped a book on my face in study hall . do you know when wounds inside your mouth take a long time to heal its a sign of cancer.

im pretty unlucky i hope i dont have cancer.

there no point in getting upset anymore there really isnt.

so fuck it . right fuck it.

im pretty sick and tired of livejournals too. the only reason i keep updating is because i dont have a real journal . and i wouldnt like to use a notebook.

i try not to right deap thoughts in here and when i do. its pretty damn confusing because i wont come out and say .: my promblems :.
ill use riddles rhymes, and sarcastic lines.

my parents realized how i dont have clothes today . they kind of felt bad.
i mean i have alot of clothes but most of them dont fit me on account of me growing so fast in all different dirrections.

i took all the socks down from my room today for some reason i always forget about my socks so i had about a HUNDRED sitting in my room so i just decided to bring them all downstairs so my father can wash them

i dont do my own laundry to much. i leave it to my dad but he really shouldnt be doing laundry so much anymore. he does have killer arthritis in his hands and feet and everywhere on his goddamn body. i really should be doing the laundry

so there you go i updated and hopefully this isnt a fucking wierd depressed entry that would start an arguement.

because ive been kind of fucking wierd and depressed lately

god knows i hate it.

915post @ 2005-03-28T04:19:00

2005-03-27T21:17:09Z

i cried today. for the first time in a long long time it seems like forever. im so fucking numb. im so fucking numb.

915post @ 2005-03-26T22:54:00

2005-03-27T03:54:45Z

i want to escape.

subject.

2005-03-24T00:57:32Z

entry.

qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm

shift shift.

915post @ 2005-03-23T09:56:00

2005-03-23T03:02:44Z

Dear friend,
I am writing to you because she said you listen and understand and didn't try to sleep with that person at that party even though you could have. Please don't try to figure out who she is because then you might figure out who I am, and I really don't want you to do that. I will call people by different names or generic names because I don't want you to find me. I didn't eclose a return adress for the same reason. I mean nothing bad by this. Honest. I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with people even if they could have. I need to know that that these people exist. I think you of all people would understand that because i think you of all people are alive and appreciate what that means. At least I hope you do because other people look to you for strength and friendship and it's that simple. At least that's what I'veheard. So, this is my life. And I want you to know that i am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

-The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

915post @ 2005-03-23T09:35:00

2005-03-23T02:35:24Z

awful
it's spelled nice,
it's crooked,
it's ugly.

write it down so i could just read it.

915post @ 2005-03-21T08:57:00

2005-03-21T01:59:27Z

why write in a journal that everyone can see but no one can understand.

just take your empty gun and fire into my head
for fear of pain is much worse that pain itself
making choices that are just choices but always mean to much
sitting in the same clothes that i wear everyday because ive lost the chance to change
when a listening to a song at the right place at the right time can make you so much more happy
when listening to a person at the right place at the right time can make you collaspe with emotion
when you cant enjoy being by yourself but hate when your with others
when you know somethings wrong but it doesnt make any sencse.
wearing socks to sleep when you hate to wear socks to sleep.

so just take your useless weapon and bring it home
because i can hurt myself worse.

weekend.

2005-03-06T00:24:19Z

well ive been grouned so i havent gottten a chance to update. now im going to tell you about my friday and saturday. with detail

ok
friday
brittany and laura came to my house
then walked to tudor drank coffee peed read horoscopes
then we walked to curry met up with anthony got kicked out went to linos
anthony left
then we went to kfc to sit and warm up brittany peed again
then we went to the movies saw chriss kevin and then went to guys and dolls to meet avery. it was a great time . its nice to play pool again
after that
we went to wendys and deryk and his friend sam showed up it was cool besides deryk sprinkled salt all over brittany because he hates her.
then we went to grotto and said hey to chris then sat in the lobby and opened doors for people until lauras mom came and got her
then me avery and brittany went to gateway and layed in the snow.
i dropped a cigarette on brittanys eye.
we stared at white trees and consolations
then we went inside to warm up and talked to mandy ( gateway employee and my opinion the best one haha ) for like an hour and then averys mom came and picked us up

today ( saturday )
we went and picked birttany up and went out for breakfast it was really nice. first we walked in and it was too crowded so we left and went to reeeses for a little bit then we went back and mike , davy, adam, foot, dick, and pretty much just everyone was there.
we ate
and on our way back me and brittany stopped at yurish music center and she played a white grand piano it was a sweet piano.
then we went back and sat around for a while then went on top of the roof by my house
then we came back practicly napped and listened to the 1999 grammy nominees cd for like ever
her mom came to pick her up and now i dont have anything to do! ok well that was my two day weekend.

explained i think pretty welll
i feel like rambling. so thats what i was doing
i dont treat lj good enough
i need to update everyday again
maybe twice a day
with pictures and links and weird fonts!
or fictions and sinks and weird sonets!

915post @ 2005-02-05T11:59:00

2005-02-05T16:58:58Z

you seee what i do to you livejournal i leave you hanging for long periods of time <333