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February 19th, 2006
07:03 pm - fear to falcity.
see a person can wake up every morning play the same song and put on the clothes he feels comfortable with.
that person can slide the keys off his table and into his palm.
that kid can take his car and drive right off a fucking cliff.
but between how many things has that person done,
laughed at a funny moment
smiled at a cute girl
slight a meaningful cause
but to say an end is the end of all that would be a fact.
there wouldnt be anymore glaring or laughing or smiling
thered be nothing no one to hurt no one to make happy
a feeling can go too far to the point were your lose your mind, where you have no place to go besides down, where to catch yourself and rise to the place you were before you decided to drive to your death, its hard.
so that person can do alot of things between then and now
he can pray his mind starts working. he can pray he decides to put his foot on the break, and he can swear that it will never happen again.
this entry isnt about suicide. its about someone who hasnt been to that point yet, its about someone who wants a rope to be thrown to him, its about having a horse to land on and ride away when he jumps from the balcony.
everyone needs someone to go to after its over. and after youve done the deed its hard for someone to be okay .
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/sad.gif) discontent
Current Music: fiona apple - paper bag
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February 11th, 2006
08:47 pm - life
well my life has changed soo much i cant keep up with it i feel like i dont do anything my life is just a big circle.
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January 4th, 2006
10:58 pm
its all about patterns, theres a MILLION DIFFERENT ONES.
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December 5th, 2005
12:23 am
we'll fight a good fight.
you know those wars without ammunition.
the ones where your set up to lose
so shane look at the plans. and see if your commiting suicide or becoming a martyr.
so is it giving up or giving in. because the only person who should know that is yourself. but if you dont no who's supposed to, a god, a friend, someone you love.but this is where it gets tricky. what if you found yourself in that situation. and nothing was there to give you an answer.
so next time you look into a problem dont just read the fucking words. learn what they mean.
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November 23rd, 2005
05:19 am
RELIVE REPLAY REJOYCE . WE KILL AT THE HANDS OF OTHERS TO PUT OUR MELTING BRAINS BACK INTO OUR HEADS.
HEY have you ever felt like nothing was fucking real. i can tell you i have no clue what has been going on in my life for the past 6 months. god bless and good luck.
Current Music: murder city devils
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July 28th, 2005
02:18 am
shit falls alot faster than you can throw it.
that simple assholes.
Current Music: i dont listen to music.
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June 18th, 2005
07:04 pm
i raise my glass to symetry,to the second hand and its accuracy to the actual size of everything, the desert is the sand, you cant hold it in your hands, it wont bow to your demands, theres no difference you can make and if it seems like an accident a collage of senselessness, you werent looking hard enough, i wasnt looking hard enough
i want to learn such simple things
but ive just got myself to blame
i leave it up to fate
with those choices i could make
when those choices i could make
one day ill find my own damn words.
Current Music: connor oberst
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May 26th, 2005
09:12 pm
sometimes you cant feel anyworse or any better.
you can admit admire and accept and things might only get worse
but atleast they can change.
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May 23rd, 2005
09:54 pm
its so hard to dance when you dont have your dancing shoes
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May 17th, 2005
08:55 pm
superglue. those damn pieces back in order. we dont want an ugly personality.
Current Music: meatloaf.
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May 12th, 2005
12:18 am
people can really bring you down. but for some reason im always around.
You know im not such a great guy
sometimes all i try to do is get by
but really what im doing is just acting, pretending
pretending everything works out
pretending im alright
i mean i am alright
i mean i really want to be honest
ive been doing alright with that lately
friends are really great.
especialy when there great friends
heartbreak and late nights
cigarettes and dumb fights
sad songs
its been rather too long
sometimes i think i do something that is good for everyone else
but it really hurts me.
i dont no why i do it. but it just seems to me the only person that can hurt me is myself
it scares me. im afriad what ill do next
i only hurt the people i love only the people i love
but im getting by. acting a giant monlogue that i just make up as i go.
living like this is slowly tearing me apart
but until im in two.
this is the only way to live...
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May 10th, 2005
11:20 pm
I don't matter and sometimes i dont care.
Current Music: the spill canvas.
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April 13th, 2005
08:19 pm
In a story told she was a little girl in a red-rouge, sun-bruised field and there were rows of ripe tomatoes where a secret was concealed.
And it rose like thunder, clapped under our hands.
And it stretched for centuries to a diary entry’s end where I wrote,
You make me happy
When the skies are gray.
You make me happy
Oh the skies are gray and gray and gray.
Well the clock’s heart it hangs inside its open chest with its hands stretched towards the calendar hanging itself.
But I will not weep for those dying days.
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April 4th, 2005
08:46 am - long life.
i need to unwind. some many things have been coming at me at once. and then one day it all just stopped.
now i feel well. pretty damned.
but its alright.
my stomach is kind of upset. but whatever, its justa stomach,
i dont like me very much i really dont. and from now on im goingt o actualy use this journal as a journal instead of a daily updater which is what most people use it for.
so thats why ill bitch and complain and sound negative. because you use a journal to get stuff out.
some people i know do alot of stuff they love to do. there good at it too. i dont like to do much anymore. but i do it anyways.
im glad not alot of people read this anymore.
i think im going to make a new one and not let anyone know about it lie about my name where i live. who i am. just so i can typetypetype without worrying about what people will think of my fucking insane thoughts.
that would be nice. it would be nicer if complete strangers learned to love me because of my journal too. i always wanted to fall in love with a complete stranger. i believe thats true love.
if you love someone you dont no anything about.
but why should i expect that. i mean until i get away and move away. i mean ill never meet anyone new. no ones new. everyone knows everyone.
when you first meet a person its never that they are a phony. its when you get to know them and get to over analyze them, thats when you realize how they're a phony. i got that word form the catcher in the rye. i like that word
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March 31st, 2005
07:31 am
i sat down and dug my feet into the sand
hopefully the damn tide wont come and wash the sand away
if you ever were selfish,
Current Music: birght eyes. haligh haligh a lie haligh.
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04:27 am
im sick and stupid.
sick sick and stupid.
i really hold back in this thing alot
i could be saying everything thats on my mind
but then i would feel more stupid so i wont}
i dont like feeeling stupid. esp when i feel this damn stupid
daves birthday party was alright. bayside was amazing.
normaly im not even a big fan. but they played an acoustic set and they were id have to say better
cant go to the show tonight on the account i can barely move. because im sick
i have a project that was due today. so i guess im doing the whole damn thing tonight
i realy havent been liking myself too much lately.
i need a confidence booster
but where the hell am i going to find one they just dont fucking sell those things
you have to have people that care . and care to give you a good boost. but the thing is it cant just be anyone who cares about you. it has to be someone impeticular
and once again where the hell am i suppose to find one of those
all i do is bitch lately. where the hell did 7th grade shane go.
i have a habit of updating really long entries that mean practicly nothing.
its because i cant say what i want to so why not say everything that i dont.
alright well im sick and stupid
i want to here the right things from the right people.
and i complain to damn much
Current Mood: crushed
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March 29th, 2005
02:04 am
i finished readin the catcher in the rye. it really was a great book
most books i read are great probly because i refuse to read anythng that doesnt interest me.
i related to alot how he felt. except i dont think everyone is a phony just most of the damn people out there.
if i had grey hairs and was over six foot tall id buy alcohol and talk to older women.
my lip is still busted open from some kid who dropped a book on my face in study hall . do you know when wounds inside your mouth take a long time to heal its a sign of cancer.
im pretty unlucky i hope i dont have cancer.
there no point in getting upset anymore there really isnt.
so fuck it . right fuck it.
im pretty sick and tired of livejournals too. the only reason i keep updating is because i dont have a real journal . and i wouldnt like to use a notebook.
i try not to right deap thoughts in here and when i do. its pretty damn confusing because i wont come out and say .: my promblems :.
ill use riddles rhymes, and sarcastic lines.
my parents realized how i dont have clothes today . they kind of felt bad.
i mean i have alot of clothes but most of them dont fit me on account of me growing so fast in all different dirrections.
i took all the socks down from my room today for some reason i always forget about my socks so i had about a HUNDRED sitting in my room so i just decided to bring them all downstairs so my father can wash them
i dont do my own laundry to much. i leave it to my dad but he really shouldnt be doing laundry so much anymore. he does have killer arthritis in his hands and feet and everywhere on his goddamn body. i really should be doing the laundry
so there you go i updated and hopefully this isnt a fucking wierd depressed entry that would start an arguement.
because ive been kind of fucking wierd and depressed lately
god knows i hate it.
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March 28th, 2005
04:19 am
i cried today. for the first time in a long long time it seems like forever. im so fucking numb. im so fucking numb.
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March 26th, 2005
10:54 pm
i want to escape.
Current Music: bright eyes
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March 24th, 2005
07:59 am - subject.
entry.
qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm
shift shift.
Current Music: an albatross - swim to the lazer eye
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